My oldest son just started first grade recently. His school held tryouts for a special choir team, and he made it past the first round!
The next step is training, but it isn’t free! I signed him up and paid, even though I know there will be another round of selection later in the semester. If he doesn’t make the cut then, the school will refund the money for the remaining classes. I really appreciate this fair policy.
I know some parents, upon hearing there was a fee, decided not to sign their kids up at all. They worried that if their child didn’t pass the next round, the money and effort would be “wasted.” That’s a very results-focused way of thinking, and it made me realize how often we ignore the value of the process itself.
Honestly, I’m not sure if my son will make it through all the rounds. But it’s okay. I think the process matters much more than the result.
Here’s why:
- It’s about the experience. I want his childhood memories to be richer than just homework and exams. This is a chance for him to grow.
- He’ll meet new people. The choir team is made up of kids from different classes and taught by different teachers.
- It’s a gentle lesson in resilience. If he doesn’t make it, it will be a healthy way to learn how to face disappointment early in life.
This got me thinking about a common concept in China: resilience education. The idea is good, but I believe many parents can misunderstand how to apply it.
The misunderstanding is this: at most time, the parent becomes the source of the “setback.” We think we are building resilience by criticizing or “pushing” the child at home. But this can be damaging because the child feels that the person they love and trust the most is the one making them feel inadequate.
I believe the better approach is:
- Let the world be the teacher. Guide your child to participate in external activities—like choir tryouts, sports, or competitions—where setbacks are a natural part of the process.
- The parent becomes the safe harbor. When the child experiences a setback and comes home feeling disappointed, the parent's role is to provide comfort, acknowledge their effort, and encourage them to try again.
This way, the child learns resilience from real-world experiences, while the family remains a place of unconditional love and support.
I want my son to learn this earlier. Some parents might skip the paid training, worried about “wasting” money if their child doesn’t make it. But that focuses only on the result, not the journey.
The result of a tryout is just a moment in time, but the skills and memories from the process can last a lifetime.
